Non classé, nonsense, writing

Food for thought ?

Sometimes, when I find myself in a crowded place my mind wanders off and I come to think of things; ridiculous things.
The other day for example, I was to pay a friend a visit. To get there, I had to take on a five hour train journey, and then get a bus. But I didn’t really care : it had been a while since we hadn’t seen each other. So I boarded the train around eight o’clock that morning, found my seat in the quiet coach (I usually choose to travel in the quiet coach, I get mad in a matter of seconds otherwise), turned my iPod on and relaxed. A moment later, a woman came over and sat next to me, her hands wrapped around a hot drink – coffee, as it seemed. As she was sitting next to the window, my eyes would sometimes take a quick glance at her, and then cowardly return to the passing landscapes. She had brown hair with some hints of blonde here and there, and the light of the rising sun was making it brighter. I could not make out her face properly – and it was bothering me – in the ever short thirty seconds during which she came to me and told me she had reserved the seat next to mine, I was only able to spot her mesmerizing light blue eyes. My own eyes, far from being mesmerizing, felt brave enough to keep trying, and as I went on in my quest I started to think : can you imagine if she could hear you think right now ? I suddenly felt a great shame, I didn’t really know why and I still don’t to be honest; it’s not as if I was imagining some porn scenario with a stranger or anything. And then it started, I began to see images, pieces of flesh that you can only dream of. The shame grew bigger and harder, I had to focus on something else; so I did.
Has this thought ever crossed your mind ? Say, you’re walking on a street and all of a sudden you can hear every single thought of any given people in that street. Would you find that awesome ? Would you feel excited ? Or would you be scared ? I can’t honestly think of a proper answer as far as I’m concerned. The only thing I know is the shame that I felt, but I have come to realize that this particular feeling might very well be because of the fear of being violated. Or mind-raped as some would put it. Say, you’re walking on a street and all of a sudden any given people in that street can hear every single thought you have. Now would you find that rad ? Or would you feel the same shame I did ? I think I know what you’re thinking – pun obviously intended. That feeling of shame is the result of me having thoughts that I can’t express out loud for a great deal of reasons. And I don’t get me wrong, it’s not that don’t say what I think, I say what I mean and mean what I say but, you can’t always say everything. If you disagree, I don’t care really, you’re just full of (sh)it. I guess the larger question here is, why do I feel shameful for the thoughts that are inside my head? Or rather, should I feel shameful for the thoughts inside my head ? No, even better : Should we feel ashamed of the thoughts in our heads ? Once again, I don’t know how to answer that properly. But I do think that if you’re smart enough to have your own thoughts and question them now and again, you should probably be able to think about it.


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