dialogue, expletive, fragments

Bad to worse

“and if God is willing, you’ll be out by…”
“Do you really think God has anything to do with this? Like it’s all part of his grand plan for me?”
“Don’t knock on God you unfaithful moron.”
“No, but seriously? Like, letting me and all my family die from this shit? That’s one hell of a plan. Thanks God, thanks a lot.”
“Look man, I hold onto what I can. That’s it.”
“Right, sorry. But I get it. Just, please, don’t get fooled. This is not on God. This is no cold. This is no flu, man. Hell, this is no fucking AIDS either. Gosh, do people still die from that?”
“I guess yeah. I haven’t googled that to be honest.”
“That’s fucking terrible. And unacceptable too. We’ve been giving them money for decades now. What in the world do you think they’re doing with it?”
“God knows what… Sorry, didn’t mean to bring him up again; but I have really no idea. Maybe throwing giant underground parties?”
“Like, with a dress code and everything? ‘hey lady, come here, bend over and let me examine that anus from a closer angle now, would you?'”
They both laughed very loudly, and he began to cough for what seemed to be a never-ending instant.

“So, what are you going to do? Afterwards, I mean.”
“After what? Being here? I don’t know. I feel like getting a drink.”
“No. Afterwards.”
“Oh. Right. Fuck. I, I can’t answer that. Don’t want to either.”
“You’ve got to shoot for the moon man. Don’t let them bring you down.”
“The hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Make things count. Each and every one of them.”
“Oh. Right. I do. I will. I hope.”
“You know what I’m afraid of? Going through this, all of this, and vanishing without leaving anything behind me. I want to fill the hearts of the many, you know? Or rather, ‘wanted’ now I guess. That just terrifies me.”
“Is that why you tried to get in the pants of the many for starters?”
They laughed again, heartily. He didn’t cough this time, but he felt cold, as if someone had just turned of the heat without his noticing. Remembrance came with a heavy price.

“I’m dead serious though. We come and go, and that scares the shit out of me. You get it too, I know that. You’ve seen it happen times and times I guess. And you saw my dad; remember my dad? That’s how it was too. Six months and he was a done deal. He tried to put up a fight, but I guess that’s how it has to be. Six months. I’ve been here, in that exact same spot, for ten months now. Ten months; what do you thing is going to happen? Nothing. Nothing, really. I’ll just go back to nothing.”
“Don’t talk like that. Just don’t.”
“But that’s the truth. Nothing but…”
“Just fucking don’t, okay? You’ll make it out. You’re going to be okay. Even if I have to kick your butt out of it myself.”
“As much as I’d like to see that, my butt is too sensitive for any kind of rubbing these days.”
There was no laugh. Just two indistinct smiles, something full, heavy. Truths told and untold.

“I’m dead serious too though. Just don’t talk like that. What’s the point? You’ll be olay, we’ll be okay. And if shit happens, people might forget about you, willingly or unwillingly – and by the way you know what; that happens even when you’re around as well, you know? – they might forget all about who you are, what you’ve done or failed to do but I won’t. I can’t. Fuck, you’re having me talk like I’m a freaking Jane Austen character. Fuck you.”
“I’m pretty sure no Jane Austen character ever said anything like that.”
“How should I know, I’ve never read any of her stuff.”
“You’re missing out, really. Lots of action, lots of fucking and punching. Very catchy too.”
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“It. Changing topics. Clowning around. Don’t pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“I’m not.”
“And you don’t have anything to say?”
“I don’t.”
“That’d be a first.”
They both fell silent, grew more distant. Positions, holding their ground. Futility and stupidity. Ships always go down this way.

“Right, I have to go. But you take care. And please, just remember what I’ve told you. I’ve got your back. But you have to stay freaking positive.”
“Right, you got it. You take care. And just remember what you told me, and try to forget about everything that I’ve told you so far when time eventually comes for me to go. You have to stay freaking positive.”


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