Flash, Nolt

Nobody wins

And especially not me. Not ever. I mean I do score some points here and there, but it’s never a fully fledged victory. And I mean, you know, like, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not complaining. You know? It’s not that I’m unhappy or, sad, or depressed. Yeah, like, that’s one terrible thing modern society and millenials have brought us now. Depression. Now everyone is like, depressed about something, you know? Like, all they wanna do is quit their job and go raise chickens in some wild part of the world. Most of them wanna go to Bali too though. And that’s one thing you know? They have this weird complex and idea about Bali. Like it’s, fuck I don’t know, it’s the fucking Eldorado or something. But anyway, I don’t. I don’t care about Bali. Bali’s the last place on earth I’d like to go. You asked me, I’d say Saint-Louis Missouri, I’d say Charlotte North Carolina, I’d say Aberdeen Washington – those are places I’d fucking like to go. There’s a world I wanna see, cause that’s a true world you know? Not like some idea. Like, you know, paying the ass for an hotel and do nothing except going to the beach everyday? That’s not life. That’s like hypocrisy level three thousand you know? But to be fair to those people, if they can go to Bali, the hell with them. They better go. I don’t have jack. That’s something else about me. Never had anything, never wanted anything. I just don’t care you know. I mean I do like a whisky or a gin and tonic sometimes here and there, and mostly I like to eat a whole row of sushis by myself sometimes too, but that’s the end of it really. I don’t need much, I’m not much, but I really feel good about it. I’m not contributing to a vicious cycle, a lavish circle that basically fucks us all to the bone. Have you ever tried turning your phone off? Yeah, like, it’s basically impossible. We’re all in the circle, I mean we ARE the circle. That’s scary, but hey, there’s really nothing we can do about it now aside from ranting like I do sometimes. And the funny thing is, even artist, I feel like they can’t do anything. I haven’t read any good writers since the end of the nineties, back when Bret Easton Ellis still meant something. Now we read what? Bloggers? Stars from Instagram and their stories? The hell with them. I tell you like I mean it – nobody wins, nobody. And especially not me, cause I get to see that happening too, you know? It’s like living with a bunch of wolves for a while, seeing them die one by one, and by some weird placed misfortunes, finding yourself suddenly living amongst a troop of goldfishes. Best fucking luck. But I ain’t never been huge in that department either, you feel me? Like hell, let me tell you that story quickly before you close it all up, and hey, by the way, could you pour me another one please? For old times sakes? You’re the best man. Honestly, guys like you, guys like you, they’ve fucking disappear. I swear to God, Nolt, it’s like as soon as you stepped down, they all went away too. But hey, that story, lemme tell you that story you know?

He kept on talking for a while and I nodded and nodded and nodded. It began as the very last day of the year and it turned into a new one and I had thought about not opening at all. I hated people, I hated that day. But for the sake of doing business and making money. I did. You have my soul, and I have your money, I said to each and every one of them that night. They all laughed and wished me a happy new year. I died a little bit more inside every time. He went on with the rumblings and the pointless pretentious story about how he had met so and so and had told them so and so and ended up with his head shoved far in his own ass. Drunkards and idiots usually share the same stories, and my expertise in both field far outweighed any of his. I knew where he was going and what he expected out of me. I sighed heavily, cleaned the counter one last time and took out another bottle. A cheap whisky I had been saving for a rainy day. He salivated. Nobody wins, especially not me.


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