They made fun of Joseph, because of his name. And because of his ears too. He had big ears, they told him he could get satellite with it. He began to wear hats all the time, inside outside. Hats were the first shield he found, a cheap one, but effective most of the time. Then he told everyone to call him Joe. There was no more Joseph. Joseph was nothing but a nightmare, a pathetic sod, a poor excuse for a human being. That was what growing up meant to him, and when people laughed about these years, he did not. He watched over those years as a precious jewel, his own personal treasure. Continue reading
I’m tempted to write about how much this means to me. I really am. But then again, should I? I mean, who’s going to read to this? People are going to judge me? I don’t know. I feel terrible about all of this. And I can’t even begin to think about what “this” it. Strange, isn’t it? I know. The perks of being a human being. A man. A woman. A complicated walking thing. Yes, sucks. I know. But to be honest with you that wasn’t the point. Of all this I mean, of this nonsense. And not, the life part. That is a bigger nonsense that I couldn’t even try to put into words. Even images wouldn’t be accurate enough. No, what I mean is, gosh, where am I going with this? Well, okay. Let’s start again. Something happened recently. Something terrible, or something really good, depending on perspectives. And that’s the thing – I am both perspectives. I can’t say whether or not I’m pleased, or sad, or mad. Whatever. I can’t say anything anymore, about me, that is. And this, this impression, this feeling. This means a lot to me. Somewhere somehow, in a way, that’s what real freedom is. How? you’d ask. Well hold on a second. Close your apps and settle your phone down. Look at me and think. Just imagine you react to something without any preconceived moral, knowledge, rule of thumb or whatever the fuck, sorry, crossing that fuck out, or whatever else you could think of. Imagine reacting to something as if it was the first time you ever saw such a thing, as if you were back to being a child, not caring about oil, politics, psychopaths, cold pizza, whatever. Just imagine. Do you see what I mean? Continue reading
We drove for about three hours after that. I didn’t have any idea of where he was taking me, but I was sure things were going to end badly. Have I ever told you about Aliena? I don’t think I have. Aliena was the name of a girl I met when I was sixteen. She was young, sweet, beautiful, rebellious. Everything you wanted her to be, she was. She had one of those faces, she’d say. But mostly, she was bad news for me, and for anyone else around. Like most, I immediately fell for her. And for no reason at that – I mean, I barely knew her, she had said hi to me a couple of times here and there, but that was the end of it. It took me a long time but I eventually managed to know the places she liked to go to, where she liked to drink her green tea, those kinds of things. My plan was simple enough : get there, don’t make a fool of myself, and obviously willingly bump into her pretending it was an accident. It was around that however that I began to realize that my life had four rules that I can’t ignore. But I’ll come back to that in a moment. Continue reading
“There’s a place out there that I need to find; that, I’m sure of.”
“A place? What place?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re not making much sense right now.”
“I guess not. But you should know better than most, I rarely ever am.” Continue reading
It was Basil’s turn to speak now.
They all turned towards him and waited silently. Nadia thought it was better to follow this order, Mick always had a terrible story about his dead brother, and she knew that, somehow, Basil reminded Mick of him. Besides, you should never end on a such a terrible note, that had been lesson 101 of the many classes she attended. She had noticed the way Mick always looked sideways at Basil; it was not malicious, not contemptuous like it usually is with the others. He often took the seat next to him and even waited for him to finish a sentence before interrupting. There was some sort of weird fascination going on, and Nadia quickly put that on the dead brother’s account. The circumstances of Leonard’s death remained mysterious and blurry, but its presence felt like a heavy burden on Mick’s shoulders, until the moments he entered the room and saw Basil. Continue reading
I stood there for a long while, my mind drifting off in a sort of psychological no man’s land that will always remain wordlessly imperceptible to me, until some noise drew me out. The coffin lid was still up and it was all about horizontal lines and dark shades of white. There wasn’t much sense in any thing, living or dead. That, and I stood still there, alone.
Words and sounds came in echo all around me, I was passive, they were active. Linguistics and semantics. I remembered sentences, quotes, was reminded some things that I had said. Awful things mostly – an eternal trick of the mind. Continue reading