I’m tempted to write about how much this means to me. I really am. But then again, should I? I mean, who’s going to read to this? People are going to judge me? I don’t know. I feel terrible about all of this. And I can’t even begin to think about what “this” it. Strange, isn’t it? I know. The perks of being a human being. A man. A woman. A complicated walking thing. Yes, sucks. I know. But to be honest with you that wasn’t the point. Of all this I mean, of this nonsense. And not, the life part. That is a bigger nonsense that I couldn’t even try to put into words. Even images wouldn’t be accurate enough. No, what I mean is, gosh, where am I going with this? Well, okay. Let’s start again. Something happened recently. Something terrible, or something really good, depending on perspectives. And that’s the thing – I am both perspectives. I can’t say whether or not I’m pleased, or sad, or mad. Whatever. I can’t say anything anymore, about me, that is. And this, this impression, this feeling. This means a lot to me. Somewhere somehow, in a way, that’s what real freedom is. How? you’d ask. Well hold on a second. Close your apps and settle your phone down. Look at me and think. Just imagine you react to something without any preconceived moral, knowledge, rule of thumb or whatever the fuck, sorry, crossing that fuck out, or whatever else you could think of. Imagine reacting to something as if it was the first time you ever saw such a thing, as if you were back to being a child, not caring about oil, politics, psychopaths, cold pizza, whatever. Just imagine. Do you see what I mean? Continue reading
“There’s a place out there that I need to find; that, I’m sure of.”
“A place? What place?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re not making much sense right now.”
“I guess not. But you should know better than most, I rarely ever am.” Continue reading
It was Basil’s turn to speak now.
They all turned towards him and waited silently. Nadia thought it was better to follow this order, Mick always had a terrible story about his dead brother, and she knew that, somehow, Basil reminded Mick of him. Besides, you should never end on a such a terrible note, that had been lesson 101 of the many classes she attended. She had noticed the way Mick always looked sideways at Basil; it was not malicious, not contemptuous like it usually is with the others. He often took the seat next to him and even waited for him to finish a sentence before interrupting. There was some sort of weird fascination going on, and Nadia quickly put that on the dead brother’s account. The circumstances of Leonard’s death remained mysterious and blurry, but its presence felt like a heavy burden on Mick’s shoulders, until the moments he entered the room and saw Basil. Continue reading
After a while, people started to get used to everything that was happening. The terrible things, I mean. The wrong people were being elected almost everywhere, it seemed as if peace was turning into another simple five letter word which nobody really paid attention to. Cars were stolen and thrown onto men, women, husbands, wives and children; all of that, for no other justification than complete and utter misunderstandings. That, Kid, that took a hell of a lot out of me, and out of a lot of people. Our lives quickly changed – simplified by that ridiculous and yet harsh truth : you knew things would turn out to shite, you just did not know when. All in all, with hindsight, I would now say that it was more waiting than really living at all, you know? Continue reading
I stood there for a long while, my mind drifting off in a sort of psychological no man’s land that will always remain wordlessly imperceptible to me, until some noise drew me out. The coffin lid was still up and it was all about horizontal lines and dark shades of white. There wasn’t much sense in any thing, living or dead. That, and I stood still there, alone.
Words and sounds came in echo all around me, I was passive, they were active. Linguistics and semantics. I remembered sentences, quotes, was reminded some things that I had said. Awful things mostly – an eternal trick of the mind. Continue reading
Oh boy. You know what? Someone recently came to me and asked, “why in the world are you still doing that?”
Now, I must concur, it is a relatively broad question, and a tough one to answer at that. But it was mostly aiming at the fact that I keep on writing and sending out lines out right into the webspace. Why do I keep doing that? I have absolutely no idea, I just do.
But they also pointed out, and rightfully I think, that having a better (ie more regular) online presence would help. The truth is, I can’t write all day, every day. Even if I wished to, I couldn’t. That’s not the way my brain works. However, it was explained to me that having a social media for people to keep tabs on whatever it is that I’m doing, writing, thinking, could be a good idea. I’m not sure about that, and I’m not sure about how to manage it all. But life’s too short not to have a facebook page, right?
So why don’t you come on out and join me? Let’s be friends, foes, drinking buddies, whatever.
Find me at https://www.facebook.com/jerkwithwifi/